Coast of Carolina (SAD LETTER)

Kelly,

Hey, you.

I have decided to start naming my letters based on the song I am listening to when I start writing them. This trend may or may not continue.

I am, as usual, going to start off by replying to each of your last paragraphs.

Cupcakes are definitely squee-worthy. Although saying "I squeed a little" kind of sounds dirty. That being said, the Elian Script is a very nifty thing to learn, and I think we should indeed learn it to send each other secret notes. If you will recall, we spent a lot of time passing notes during your summer classes last June... I figure there's no reason I can't spend half your physics class writing three words this October.

Zemanta sidebar photo option update:

Image via Wikipedia

Cupcakes. Lots of them. The other photos are either cupcakes, ovens, or text documents about cupcakes.


Next order of business: The Weepies. You still haven't linked me to them. To be fair, I haven't reminded you either. I guess we've both been bad at that. I may not like them unless you provide reason to be otherwise... I only kind of liked Telekinesis until they made their appearance on the Montlake Cut. Which even Michael Benjamin Lerner admitted was freaking awesome. And a little bit adorable.

"It fills me with happiness, and makes me very happy!"

I am honored.

Moving right along...
Rapidash is pretty great. Collarbones are even better. As you may know mine is widely available to you upon request.

No Cars Go is a great song. Make sure it's on the Playlist.

Your knitting is awesome. Well, now it is. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Further, our lives are wildly exciting. Even though I got fired from my main job, I still have work keeping me occupied. Also, Passion Pit. (Zemanta hotlink to Myspace Music) We are going to freaking take that town.

~~
On the topic of seeing Passion Pit live, I am super psyched. There is little more I think about on my down time than my next trip to Seattle... You know, it was like this in May too. You told me not to get my hopes up because you thought you would be a huge disappointment... See how that turned out?

Also, today is September 11th. All over the radio they've been talking about remembering what happened 8 years ago. I still remember where i was when I watched it all happen on the news... I was eating cold pineapple pizza, getting ready for choir practice. Yes, I was in choir when I was 10. I could sing back then.
Anyways, they are considering making another Memorial Day on 9/11. Like, a day off work. Most the people I talked to are against this, saying that disrupting our daily life was the exact goal of the events of that day.
What is kind of sad about this was that I was young when this happened. 10 years old. I was too young to really appreciate what a big deal it was. Now I don't really remember life before 9/11/01, and I've grown up used to a world where my nation is at a war nobody that makes the news thinks is important enough to keep fighting, but that we keep fighting anyway. I've been raised to respect soldiers, from a time when I was too young to know why.

But now I remember, and I know what it is I'm remembering.

Some men just want to watch the world burn. Right now, there are a lot of men I don't like. (our current side conversation is about one of them.) There are a lot of men that I'd like to go and smack. With a sword.

However, it is our choice as humans what we do to these men.
We have three options. We can leave them, we can kill them, or we can try to save them. But the good option is always so much work.

On that heavy subject, I'm going to leave you to cheer us all up.
E3-.
chris

LETTER WRITING FAIL

Chris,

Hey, you. So despite your polite but frequent reminders to write a letter, I have forgotten continuously for the past three weeks or so. Mea culpa. BUT MOVING ON! (I figure it's better to write an actual letter after all this time than write about how bad I feel about not writing letters).

That cupcake picture topping your last post made me squee a little when I opened the page. Especially because I can still read what it says. I love learning strange little things like the Elian script. That one has the bonus of being pretty and kind of useful. It would be excellent for passing secret notes. And that makes me sad that we aren't in high school together or something. How fun would that be? The answer, of course, is very fun.

I don't think I ever linked you to any of the Weepies like I said I should. Remind me to do that, because as we are clearly learning, I am forgetful and you are good at reminding me of things. I think we should keep that up. The Weepies are a cool band, but they're pretty sedate and folksy. Not really your sort of thing, but you occasionally surprise me with your tastes. I didn't expect you to like Telekinesis, for instance. And we all know how that turned out.

I am loving the Rapidash-riding sequel to Beauty and the Beast. I intend to keep that very much in our heads though. There's very little that can destroy my inner fantasies like a poorly-done Disney movie about them. Good thing Disney doesn't often make movies involving gratuitous amounts of collarbone...yet... Ahem.

Bringing up even more topics you've totally forgotten by now from your last letter: Arcade Fire! You kind of like them! Have you listened to them at all since the last time when you realized you don't totally hate them? Because you should. They are one of my more favorite bands. Listen to "No Cars Go". It makes me all happy inside.

I don't really have much else to talk about. I am sorry for that. I've spent my recent days attempting to learn how to knit and driving places with no real idea of where to go or what to do once I get there. But you know all about that, and there's not really much to say except that I need to find better things to do with my time. Maybe that means more (and less sucky) knitting!

And now while you nap (I break the fourth wall a lot in this blog, so I apologize to our dear reader(s)), I'm going to take a shower or some such. Truly we live very exciting, dramatic lives. Or maybe not, but most of the time I'm okay with that. I'm barely awake and quickly sliding off topic, so off I go.

E3-,
Kelly

Good Midnight, Milady

Kelly,


Hey, you. I'm writing you this letter at midnight because it is the eve of my day off and I can therefore stay up late talking to you. Unfortunately, we are not talking at present, so I am writing you a letter so you can know, oh oh oh, I miss you BAY BAY, oh eee oh.

Note: You still need to teach me about purses. I must educate myself on why a woman would pay $2,500 for a handbag so I can have the upper hand when the ladies try to take me by surprise with purse talk.

I'll start off by responding to your thoughts.

The Weepies are most likely a good band who you should introduce me to sometime, perhaps through a youtube link of your favorite song. I like most of your music, as you know. And a couple! How fantastic. It's very funny how those things happen.

The death of LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo saddens me, but I've decided to press on with my novel anyways. However, I will do it slow, and do it properly, so I can publish it. Some details for ya, which I may or may not have told you, but it's good to have a record of anyway: It's called Letters from Home, so named for the letters to a soldier pen pal the main character writes at the beginning of each chapter. I don't think you'll ever meet the pen pal who indirectly names the book, but I might change my mind. It's about a man, a superpower, an evil corporation, and a girl behind the counter named Laura.
Laura is always going to be the Girl Behind The Counter to me.

Concerning the next paragraph: I believe that Belle from Beauty And The Beast rode a Rapidash in the nonexistant sequel. If Disney ever makes a sequel to that movie, I'll drive us both to Anaheim so we can participate in the torch-and-pitchfork riots in the so-called Happiest Place On Earth. Unless there's a Rapidash, in which case you drive so I can play a game boy in the passenger seat. Gotta catch em all.

Moving on, I think your whole summer has been more productive than my past few weeks, although that is a subjective opinion. I still consider my visit to your fair town to be the most productive thing I've done all summer, even though I also got a job that can transfer me to the Emerald City AND a car to take me there.... though I don't think the car will last that long. I've driven it like 300 miles and it's already making noises like... well, like a dying car. Anyways, when fall hits and you're doing classes, you're once again gonna be more productive than I've been over the past six years. Kudos to that.

Our music tastes are the perfect Venn Diagram. I am always thrilled when I get new music from you... Incidentally, I'm totally listening to Arcade Fire right now. I guess I kinda fibbed when I said I don't like it. I mean, I don't know if I like it or not, but it's on my playlist, so I guess that makes it good.

I was really hoping we'd get better at responding to letters quickly too, and I was meaning to post this like a week ago, the day after you posted yours. But, I, uh, got kind of busy and ran out of things to say.

I don't have too much new to add, except that my new job rocks in ways that most people can't appreciate. I did a men's group with a bunch of Alzheimer's patients today. We made model cars and submarines and stuff. It was actually really awesome, and I'm the toast of the retirement community now. I would love to give you details about that next time we talk.

I'll conclude by saying that I know it's been a tough day between us, and that is kind of a sad because it's never happened before. I want to apologize for my fault in that. I'll give you all the details of my thoughts in a less public medium.
However, the picture above expresses my views rather nicely.

E3-,
Chris

World Spins Madly On

Hey, you.

Before you ask, the title is the name of the song I was listening to when I opened this page. It's by the Weepies, who are a folksy sort of duo singers/guitarists. It turns out they're married too, though they weren't when they started the band. Funny how that works, huh?

Anyway, I'm sad to report the death of LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo, and I admit that it is utterly and completely my fault. A few bad days just really put me off the mood of novel-writing, and I'm still not quite inspired to do so. My bad, my bad, and I feel really terrible about it. I still think you should just keep writing without me. Although admittedly, you just wrote a poem like half an hour ago. You seem to have no trouble with being productive. Unlike certain people writing this letter...

Re: Rapidash. I concede that Ninetails is in fact highly badass (as my role in Pokémafia proved), and do not dispute that it is perhaps a more effective fire type to have around. But. Keep in mind that when the craze first erupted (in a rather Mt. St. Helens-esque fashion), we were around the tender age of nine. At nine years old, I was struggling between my tomboy tendencies and the pressure of liking Barbies and Polly Pocket and all that. Clearly the tomboy urge was somewhat dominant, as I was playing Pokémon at all. But out of all those potential favorites, it seems pretty reasonable for a nine-year-old impressionable girl with a liking for horses and a boyish appreciation of natural distasters to find a flaming unicorn the Best. Thing. Ever. And I did so. I also will cavalierly ignore your discussion of games such as Ruby and Saphire because I stopped playing after Silver. So, um, there. Rapidash is sentimentally very significant to me, and was one of those little childhood things that reminded me I could reconcile my various interests and predispositions. (Belle from Beauty and the Beast was another one, she was the first thing besides my mom to suggest that one could be both pretty and smart...)

You talked about your job starting in your last letter. I know for a fact that it has started, and you are rather enjoying it. I think I would be too, if it were my job. (Were my job, or was my job? It's subjunctive, and I've never been quite sure how that works). You also have procured a car. You've been more productive in the past few weeks than I have all summer. Kudos, seriously.

This brings us to music, with complete disregard for a transition. That's how I roll today. I'm really okay with the fact that you don't like Arcade Fire or Andrew Bird, even though I don't understand why. It's personal taste, and I can't make you have mine. It's cool when you do like something of mine, but I am quite willing to accept that everyone has their own preferences. And of course, we've seen that I'm not the hugest fan of some of your music, and I hope that's fine. As you said, it just means we can argue finer points of things without it just becoming one constant agreement. Because really, that's no fun at all. And part of the fun of finding new things to recommend is hoping that I've found one of the ones you'll actually like. More risk, but more gain, I suppose!

Anyway. I think I am done for now, so I will finish and allow you to read this on your iPod, because you are too snooze-ful to get out of bed. Which is kind of adorable. I once again apologize for my tardiness in responding, and hopefully we'll get better at this. I really, really hope we do that.

E3-,
Kelly

Rapidash, I Choose You!

Dear Kelly,

Hey, you.

So, my LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo novel is going well... I like all my characters, they all do what they're supposed to. Someone gets kidnapped at gunpoint by the third page, so I don't think I'm moving too slow (although this is all an intro). And... yeah, I'm way behind on words.

Aside from that, I'm gonna send you a standard letter.

First off, I'd like to discuss the value of Rapidash. Yes, the pokemon. this is SERIOUS BUSINESS. We spent a good deal of time talking about this already, and I'd like to state my case.

Now, in our earlier conversation, we mentioned how you can't get much more badass than a unicorn that is also on fire. This is mostly true. However, you have to evolve it from a Ponyta, or else find it in that crazy grass right outside of Fuschia City, and there's all sorts of nasty crap to deal with there (namely, an infestation of Fearows.) Ponyta doesn't evolve until lvl 40, which means you're stuck with slow stat gain until then. Usually, you've abandoned your unevolved pokemon by this point, and if you're smart you got a Charmander in the beginning anyways, so you don't NEED a Rapidash to begin with.

That is another point. In many other Pokemon games, such as Ruby/Sapphire, there are very few fire-type pokemon. For such reasons, fire-type starters are very valuable. However, in the original generation, the balance of pokemon was reasonable and there were plenty of fire types -- you could have Rapidash OR Ninetails, for example.

Ninetails is the reason Rapidash is not that awesome. It has 5 base stat points more, it can be evolved whenever you want it to, and besides, it's a FREAKING CURSED WOLF WITH NINE DAMNED TAILS. Screw flaming unicorns.


That being said, I move to my second point.
I saw lighting, coming from the street. Well, I did today, and it made me want to crank Telekinesis and play some Scrabble with you. It gets lonely here sometimes, with most of my friends constantly working at lamer jobs than I have.
On that topic, I start my new job on Friday. That is the day after tomorrow, for you all playing at home. It mildly freaks me out, because I'm afraid if I can't take enough initiative, I'm gonna get fired... and I --suck-- at taking initiative with no training.
Which I am getting no training. Guaaaah.
I don't know all the activities I'm supposed to do with the old people. I'm gonna need to get constant instruction from my supervisors, which makes me look like a needy child and a useless hire. That is no good.

I also cannot listen to music at work, which is very reasonable, but leads me to the other point I was intending to make:

More than half my music is yours. 2.58 out of 5 GB. Some of it is good -- Metric, The Thermals, Wolf Parade, So Many Dynamos; Some of it I don't like as much -- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Arcade Fire, and... I hate to say it... Andrew Bird. I'm sorry, I just don't like the music of your biggest celebrity crush. He's good, I recognize that, but it just isn't my cup of tea*.
However, it is nice that our tastes in music are just similar enough to have good discussion. If they were less similar, we'd just have our own music and have nothing to discuss; if they were the same, we couldn't disagree and debate like we do.

Finally, I'd like to thank you for tagging me in that facebook note. I think you're the first person besides my mom to tag me in one... which is kind of embarrassing... but yeah, I quite enjoyed pushing the chain mail onwards. I now have new knowledge of my own music, too! I even changed the instructions to make them more realistic. (Adding a "tag however many people you want" instead of "tag 12 people"... I hope that catches on.) You may observe this all on my facebook page, which I would hotlink to here but I don't want to be stalked by random people. You know, when we become famous.

E3-,
Chris

*My cup of tea is usually a Venti.


Side Note: During the writing of this letter, Zemanta gave me the Dumbest Link Ever.

LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo

Okay, I'm going to conserve my writing energies for the topic of this letter, so let's get on with it. I'm a three-time participant in the proper NaNoWriMo, so I figure I can lay down the rules. Here we go:

1. We're going to get to 30,000 words each on our respective stories by midnight on August 31st. The regular NaNo goal is 50,000, but we're both busy people. So 30k minimum, and gold stars and bragging rights/hugs for either of us if we make 50k.

2. All original work. We can look back at our notes and old versions of the stories, but the words we count must all have been written starting today. This is about starting anew.

3. Whoever has a higher wordcount gets a cupcake courtesy of the other person upon our next in-person meetup.

4. If asked by the other participant, we must honestly tell them our word count. Even if it's depressing. Which it will be at least once. That's the nature of this business.

Okay, that's really all I've got to say. This blog will probably start talking about our noveling adventures, and I'm really okay with that. We can talk about titles and get angry with our characters and such. At least your book already *has* a title. Mine had a temporary one once upon a time, but unless I work it into the story really cleverly, it makes no sense at all. Hmm. Perhaps that will be a challenge to myself: get that title to work. Oh, we can do that, if we seem to be doing well: make challenges to each other, like "include a cat somewhere in the next ten pages" or "somehow bring up salad dressing preferences in your dialogue".

I know we'll get back to our regular conversation soon, and I'm glad. I'm even more glad that you're back and hopefully feeling awesome. If you're not, I'll be working to fix that!

E3-,
Kelly

I'm back!

Hey, you. (we say it a lot, but it doesn't get old.)

As you already know and is evidenced by this letter, I am back from my getting-better stint at the local hospital. I am feeling rather okay now. Thank you lots for your support through that.

My dad brought me a printout of that image that you so lovingly drew, and I loved it (, loved it, no I don't care if...). It made me smile and actually do a little dance. Thank you, more than you could even guess at. E3- for that.

Otherwise, things have been going mostly well for me, although there are a couple new stresses. I'm going to get a TB test to verify I won't accidentally infect any old people before I start work at the nursing home. I'm really excited about this new job, I absolutely love old people. Even the ones with Alzheimer's have amazing stories to tell. I'll be sure to tell you all about it in future letters.

I now propose a new writing project! National Novel Writing Month is in November, but there are two reasons that might be a bad time.
1) It's during an extremely difficult school term for you.
2) It's really far away and I'm damned impatient.

Anyways, we've both had really good novel ideas in the past, so I propose Local Finishing Novels You've Abandoned In The Past Month. We can take our ideas and rewrite them to be complete, if not better (since we have to write really fast).

Most of our prior communication was cut off, so these two things are all I have to include in this letter. Please respond with your proposal for LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo, and perhaps we will get back to our regularly scheduled letter programming after that is sorted out. Woo!

E3-,
Chris

Get Well-er Soon

To the (hypothetical) readers: My esteemed collaborator is gone to take care of himself and will return in roughly 72 hours, if all goes well. The following is my get-well-soon wishes.

To CV:

Hey, you. (I feel like we may end up saying that quite a lot by the end of this project...)

I realize you may not get this for a while. All I wanted to say is that I hope you're doing alright (and if I know you--which I do--you're probably being all stoic about this) and that you don't have to worry about anything. Call me whenever you can/feel like it, and we'll talk about whatever you're in the mood for. I'm doing okay, personally, just kickin' it with friends and the like. I have felt the urge to call you several times today, though, only to release my phone in a sort of awkward manner. Le sigh.

Point is, take care of yourself and I will see you very soon, and hopefully you'll be feeling better than ever. And if you're happier, I'm happier. That's how this friend thing works.

I wish I had more to say, but it's been a long, excessively hot day, and I just exhausted what little (seriously little) creative energy I had experimenting with my tablet, as per your suggestion. So here I give you my attempt at a drawing to cheer you up. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

E3-,
Kelly

Hard Hat Area

Hey, you.

The first thing you'll notice about this letter is that I replaced our header with a picture. I can't scale it right for the life of me (or even round the edges, which I'd like), so I was hoping you could take your drawing tablet and fix it up a bit... remind me later to email you a copy of the picture. I'm contemplating just trying to replace the background of the E3- with transparency (which I should have done in the first place, provided blogger takes .pngs) but that would require starting over from scratch since I didn't save old drafts. Silly me.

I also changed the name of the blog to the Wheel of Fortune Before & After delight that is "Open Letter Surgery." I hope you like it. If not, the preferences of this blog are as open to you as they are to me.

I'd also like to get the blog spruced up a bit, maybe add a widget or two. Therefore, I propose that with your next letter you make one improvement to our layout. If you can find a decent way to play some Wolf Parade in the background, that would be IDEAL.

Anyways, on with the letter, starting with replies to your last message!
I do like that we cover all avenues of communication. Yes, we talk a lot. That is no reason to not write letters. That's how blogs work-- most blogs are only read by your friends who know everything you're saying there anyway.

Except for this one!
I'd like to welcome Mike, who is the only person I know besides us reading this blog. He fora-stalked his way over here from Echochamber, and although I'm not sure if he's still reading this, I'm gonna give him a shoutout anyway.

That being said, very few people know the story behind the URL of our blog except for us. I do like that little secret, obsolete though it may be.

217 isn't a location. It's a state of being.

Furthermore, you ARE Alarmingly Adorable. (in bed! hur hur hur.[sic]) We were discussing what we like about each other, and as much as I'm a raging manly-man whose pale charms are enough to start a small national holiday without a shirt, you are cute. Actually, you're cuter than that, because I don't think Obama would give me a holiday, since he's not into dudes. Point being, you could probably cripple a man (or even woman) whose nickname was Bull Elephant by using your cuteness attack. (wikilinked because I couldn't believe with my own eyes that there is a wiki page on cuteness.)
I am prepared to do a mathematical proof of your cuteness on request.

I also realize we've been too harsh on NPLs. They can be tolerated, although PHs (Pineapple Haters) should be burned at the stake. Or at the steak. Nothing compliments a pineapple like a nice teriyaki-marinated steak.

I am glad you approve of my definition of Qanothersznxtfd. We still need to figure out a way to pronounce that so we can use it in casual conversation, since, as you agree, it is a familiar concept. I still remember you telling me about that movie with the Mexican midget, even if you don't.

On that topic, I'd like to propose a new word that has arisen from us cheating at Scrabble: Joarr. I am unsure what the definition should be. The only one that comes to mind is "Colloquial shortening of what you shout when you're driving to a Journey concert in a VW van. Full version: JJOOOORRRRNEEEEYYYYYY."

Your Peach Upside-Down Cake is one of the top ten things I look forward to about hanging out with you when I move. My mouth waters with the utmost frevor when I think about it. The only improvisation I have used is when making a recipie for a coffee additive that mostly consists of microwaved marshmallows. I still swear by it.

Regarding Bumbershoot: Take me there. (ALL NIGHT LONG![sic]) I would do anything to go there. Just about anything, really.


Anyways, this letter has gotten quite long. I don't have that much more to add at this point, besides my declaration of a Scrabble throwdown. (this letter will be continued in my next one.) Besides, I have to wrap up this letter so I can call you again.

E3-,
Chris

LATENESS

Hey, you. I apologize like a thousand times for my lateness. Busy busy times lately, as you know.

So, I am very tired today. I got little sleep due to my early awakening via phone call... as well as my getting to bed late, via different phone call (yours). We've spent the last short while discussing what we like about each other, which is pretty great. Another thing I like about us is that we can do things like this: write letters to each other, despite our extremely frequent communication with each other.

To wit: I would prefer you find my rage against NPLs more adorable than alarming. Because, you know, I'd prefer to be considered adorable. Potentially alarmingly adorable, but not the other way around. I am also glad to see you agree with my thoughts on Serious Capitalization. It's a good way to get the Point Across without bothering with stuff like bold or italics.

You've made me miss Paper Towns. I've only read it once, and now that you have (and much more recently) I'm kind of thinking of re-reading it. I was planning on reading Harry Potter 6 again before I see the movie (whenever that might happen). I know you've already seen it, so you are just ahead of me in every way! (I almost tossed in an ":p" there, but it seemed a tad too informal).

I think I actually prefer your definition of Qanothersznxtfd. That is now the standard explanation. "Intimately familiar" indeed! The word may be somewhat ridiculously long, but it's nothing compared to the lengthy definition! So I guess that means it's overall pretty efficient. I'm still pretty fond of "defenestration" though, not gonna lie.

I would give the news of the day, but there really isn't any. I've hung about in IRC and I baked peach upside-down cake. And that is quite literally all. Oh, except I wrote a happy-birthday PM. That is the extent of my usefulness today. I am such a great contributor to humanity... Eh, I bet Gandhi had off days too. Wow, that's the second Gandhi reference I've made in two days. I'm odd.

So, I told you I wouldn't pester you about Bumbershoot anymore, and I'll do my best not to. I just think that would be pretty awesome. I'll be quiet about it now. Promise. BUT BUT TELEKINESIS COME ON THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.

...Okay. Seriously done now. Really.

Anyway, that's all from me. I apologize once more for the lateness. I guess epic four-day concert roadtrips are kind of distracting. You can't really blame me, I hope. I will be more prompt in future.

E3-,
Kelly

Panhandling, etc.

Kelly,

Hey, you. I too apologize for the late post. As you clearly have experience with, it's easier to forget about letter writing when it's your turn to write. I would use a tongue-sticking-out emoticon, but I feel that is inappropriate in formal letters such as this (rather than IMs and texts). I also am sorry for the crazy/sad you have been experiencing of late -- at least this weekend will help you feel better!

First, your thoughts:
I'm not sure whether I should find he way you got so indignant about the closed-mindedness of non-pineapple lovers (or NPLs for short) adorable, terrifying, hilarious, or a sick cocktail of the three mixed by an expert Latino bartender with a goatee and a bowtie, who earns his tips by throwing drink shakers in the air with the proficiency of a juggling clown on stilts, and one of his ingredients is impressive rants, which is how he made that cocktail in the first place. However, i do agree that Imposing Capitalization is a Serious Issue which warrants its own Capital Letters.

I am, at this point, reminded of Paper Towns, in which the story's catalyst capitalizes the first letters of random words because proper capitalization laws are "unfair to the words in the middle." The personification of words is a dangerous practice which makes Scrabble experts such as ourselves feel like Dr. Frankenstein. On such a note, we should treat our scrabble words like human beings next time we play.

On the topic of Qanothersznxtfd, my preposal for an alternate definition is one with which we are intimately familiar: "When sleeping in the same room as someone, dreaming you are having a conversation with them so that you don't notice waking up, thereby introducing your conversational partner to the middle of a seemingly random sentence and confusing the hell out of both of you." It's a techincal definition that needs to be shortened, but I'm no dictionary editor. We do need a word for that scenario anyway.

I understand you've been sick for a few days, and am glad to hear that you are feeling better. Incidentally, I love how we can reference conversations we have with each other in letters we write to each other. It's like double communication.


The news of the day, then!

Ian and I went to the mall today, which has a Del Taco, the fineset fast food taco establishment ever established for fast food tacos. We did not have any money, so we mostly just went around the mall chatting and looking at stuff and sitting in Luv Sacs. However, we eventually became determined to get tacos, and went around asking random people if they would give us a dollar for tacos. We even went into a Hollister looking for taco money, and it's dark and dank and scary... it's like if the Mines of Moria were an overpriced clothing store that made men and women alike feel insecure.
Eventually, however, we did get our tacos. And it was satisfying.

We also got free food because it was Thursday, and during the summer there are food booths and free live music every Thursday at the mall. When you come here, make sure one of the days you spend here is a Thurz.

That's most of my thoughts for the day, and I look forward to your next letter, even though said letter probably won't arrive until Tuesday, sadface.

E3-,
Chris

Never Seemed So Strange

Chris,

Hey you. This... is a very late post. I am sorry about that. Although, as you know, things have been a little bit crazy/sad for me lately, so I'm doing the best I can.

I am really glad that we share similar thoughts on the Pineapple Issue. I think it's worthy of the Imposing Capitalization Of The First Letters, don't you? It is a legit issue. I'm just not sure if I can be comfortable around people who aren't open-minded enough to embrace pineapple. I mean, what does it matter to you if pineapple and pizza want to be in a relationship? How is that any less valid or important than your close-minded heteronormative pepperoni-pizza couples, huh? Huh?

Er. No idea what that was about. Or why I wiki-linked all of those words. Let's not worry about that right now. Moving on!

On the matter of Qanothersznxtfd, our dazzling 446-point word in Scrabble, I'm kind of inclined to define it as "the state of talking to someone with the same name as you and getting somewhat confused as to which one you actually are". Alternative definitions welcome, though. After all, "run" means quite a few things, I'm sure we can manage at least one or two more for "Qanothersznxtfd", which is far more badass a word. (The word for putting a word inside another (like absofreakinglutely, my personal favorite) is tmesis, by the way).

So, I think I am still a little bit sick, and that is just a really unwelcome addition to the slowly growing mountain of sad things. I am all kinds of blahhhh today, and for that I am sorry. Hopefully the letter's not too terrible as a result... I'm also amused to find that almost all of my Zemanta pictures are of Scrabble, with one of pizza and one of the Beatles. I don't know how the Beatles got in there, but hey, I'm cool with it.

And with that, I bid you adieu.

E3-,
Kelly

July, July (ninth)

Kelly,

Hey, you! I wrote this entire letter, and then blogspot deleted it when I tried to post the first time. So now I'm starting over.

Pineapple is the greatest thing to happen to pizza since the Vulcans came to Earth and shared the secret of cheese with nomadic hunter-gatherers back in 1500 B.C.E. (These hunter-gatherers always hand-tossed their pizza crust.) Of course, there's no saying pineapple didn't also come from space. Maybe they were a sentient race that tried to colonize Earth back in prehistoric times, but ended up adapting to the environment by becoming fruit. There is no way to tell without a non-paradox-causing time machine.
Maybe pineapples were created by something from space, too. The thing that turned our gray, rocky Carbon into green, leafy, juicy, delicious pineapple plants may have come from asteroids, or maybe another dimension. Oh, I wonder if Heaven is actually the 7th Dimension. That would be really cool. It would also make Michelangelo's paintings even cooler than they already are. Renaissance-era religion? Try FREAKING SCIENCE FICTION!!!

I feel kind of bad for using the triple exclamation point there. As you know, I am morally opposed to repeating or mixing question marks or exclamation points. They were made for emphasis, there is no reason to emphasize them. You may recall that sign posted outside your dorm:
FLOOR HAS BEEN WAXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It could probably be improved by removing some or even all of those exclamation points. For example,
Floor has been waxed. Do not walk on the floor until 12:30.
The sign was posted on your doorknob. If that positioning wasn't going to get our attention, how are a few dozen pieces of punctuation going to help its chances?

I am all for new words. You have already observed my perspicacious use of perspicacious, and I'll be sure to try to work avocation into my writing too. However, I have a Word of the Day for you, too: Qanothersznxtfd. This isn't a word, just yet, but as you know it is worth 446 points in Scrabble, so we should use it as often as possible until it becomes common enough to work into the official Scrabble dictionary. I'm not sure what its definition is, but words are your avocation, not mine, so you should help me think of what it means. It should have something to do with "Another", which is inside it.
That reminds me, you actually know the word for that effect -- when you put one word inside another word. I can't remember that word, so I hereby request you reenlighten me.

For what it's worth, I am glad your hair is not a parasite. It does seem to contribute greatly to your abillity to fight predators and attract a mate. I know that I, at least, quite like it. And everyone has quirks, which make us interesting. I am quite happy to know all of the quirks of yours that I do.

Zemanta has provided "relevant" images for me. Eight of them are of pizza, one of them is of Supergirl's first appearance in Superman comic books. I have no idea how the hell that is relevant, so maybe we should discuss backstory of why that is there.

hehehe, I mention Supergirl, and now half of my images are of her.

E3-,
Chris

July 8

Dear Chris,

Hey, you. I must say I've never really dealt with this issue in Italian restaurants. I usually go for some kind of pasta (not spaghetti, that's cheating) because I like it and because I also feel that getting pizza is kind of lame. I've never even realized you could order mac and cheese at Italian places... I do, however, concede that pizza is rather hard to make. I've also done it myself, in cooking class, of all places. I bet that's something you didn't know about me: I took a cooking class in high school, and made remarkably good pizza. Though, I'll admit that my accomplice in this task actually worked as a pizza maker and thus it was not too difficult. He also happened to share my penchant for pineapple, pleasingly. (A little too much alliteration?)

Anyway. I also prefer American pizza to its Italian counterpart. Call me dull, I don't care. I think nice soft crust and pineapple is about as good as it gets. Except for that one time at Pagliacci's with the gorgonzola-pear pizza. That was pretty spectacular.

So, to your proposals:

You know there is little I love more than sharing new (and usually pointless) words with people. You seem to enjoy them, so I'm more than happy to oblige. You rarely need a dictionary when you talk to me (I think...?), so you're already somewhat ahead of the curve! As we previously discussed, the word of the past few days has been "perspicacious". If you want another one on top of that, we'll go with "avocation", which I used in our earlier phone conversation. It essentially means the things you do outside your career, for no pay. Just the stuff you care about, y'know?

Cuddles: I am a big fan of them. I am practically a wind tunnel, that is the kind of fan I am of cuddles.

My hair is kind of ridiculous. I'm glad you like it, but I'll admit that sometimes I get a bit frightened of it. I've been cutting it shorter lately in an attempt to beat it back into submission, but I'm worried that it is resilient to my efforts. I've been keeping it from raw meat (or even vegetables), but I think it's slowly devouring my scalp as recompense. I'm fairly sure it's actually a symbiotic organism that attached itself to me early in life. I think I'm okay with that, too. It gives me personality at least. And you're nothing without quirks, am I right? Eh?

On the topic of hair, yours is much more reasonable and appears less likely to spontaneously stage a revolt and take over your body. It is also really, really amazing when you've just woken up. It defies gravity in some impressive ways. I must find some embarrassing pictures to post of it here sometime.

Anyway, I've responded to all your thoughts, and sadly don't really have any of my own. Perhaps another time. So I shall bid you adieu for now, and return to whatever else it is I am not really doing today.

E3-,
Kelly

July Eighth, 2009

Dear Kelly,

I feel really bad when I go to an Italian restaurant and order either pizza or mac and cheese. Sometimes those two dishes are simply irresistible, however. Besides, most other food in those restaurants involves things like eggplant and mushrooms, which are not okay.
It takes a lot of effort to get a pizza that actually turns out well. I've made it from scratch, and it usually just ends in bitter, spicy Italian tears. In any case, I prefer American pizza to Italian pizza anyway. This may have something to do with my phobia of eating vegetables, set in by my childhood of being raised by a vegetarian mother.

I have a couple proposals for you, while you're reading this.

First, I propose that you share your inhuman vocabulary with me. Someday, I will not need a dictionary to IM with you. I propose that we expand my internal dictionary by assigning one of your favorite words to be a Word of the Day -- you teach me its meaning, and I use it as much as humanly possible over the course of the day. I will have a minimum quota for the number of times I can use this word in my upcoming letter to you... Perhaps I would be required to say this word three to five times in each posting.

Second, I want you to cuddle with me on my couch.

I was looking at a photo of us together in Seattle today, and I have to say that your hair is really quite impressive. My hair would have been better in that photo if I wasn't wearing a hat, but it seemed to go well enough anyway.
But seriously. Your hair is majestic like a killer whale, big and beautiful and with a mind of its own. It could probably eat me if it tried... Do you keep it so lush and curly by feeding it a pound of raw meat every other day?
Actually, that is a lie. Your hair is docile and friendly, and probably an herbivore. Sometimes it seems like it wants to fight you for control of your brain, though, like a killer alien. I have to say, I'm just a little bit jealous of it.

Anyways, that is all on my mind. Also I am out of time to write... my next letter should be longer. I look forward to your reply.

E3-,
Chris