Good Midnight, Milady

Kelly,


Hey, you. I'm writing you this letter at midnight because it is the eve of my day off and I can therefore stay up late talking to you. Unfortunately, we are not talking at present, so I am writing you a letter so you can know, oh oh oh, I miss you BAY BAY, oh eee oh.

Note: You still need to teach me about purses. I must educate myself on why a woman would pay $2,500 for a handbag so I can have the upper hand when the ladies try to take me by surprise with purse talk.

I'll start off by responding to your thoughts.

The Weepies are most likely a good band who you should introduce me to sometime, perhaps through a youtube link of your favorite song. I like most of your music, as you know. And a couple! How fantastic. It's very funny how those things happen.

The death of LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo saddens me, but I've decided to press on with my novel anyways. However, I will do it slow, and do it properly, so I can publish it. Some details for ya, which I may or may not have told you, but it's good to have a record of anyway: It's called Letters from Home, so named for the letters to a soldier pen pal the main character writes at the beginning of each chapter. I don't think you'll ever meet the pen pal who indirectly names the book, but I might change my mind. It's about a man, a superpower, an evil corporation, and a girl behind the counter named Laura.
Laura is always going to be the Girl Behind The Counter to me.

Concerning the next paragraph: I believe that Belle from Beauty And The Beast rode a Rapidash in the nonexistant sequel. If Disney ever makes a sequel to that movie, I'll drive us both to Anaheim so we can participate in the torch-and-pitchfork riots in the so-called Happiest Place On Earth. Unless there's a Rapidash, in which case you drive so I can play a game boy in the passenger seat. Gotta catch em all.

Moving on, I think your whole summer has been more productive than my past few weeks, although that is a subjective opinion. I still consider my visit to your fair town to be the most productive thing I've done all summer, even though I also got a job that can transfer me to the Emerald City AND a car to take me there.... though I don't think the car will last that long. I've driven it like 300 miles and it's already making noises like... well, like a dying car. Anyways, when fall hits and you're doing classes, you're once again gonna be more productive than I've been over the past six years. Kudos to that.

Our music tastes are the perfect Venn Diagram. I am always thrilled when I get new music from you... Incidentally, I'm totally listening to Arcade Fire right now. I guess I kinda fibbed when I said I don't like it. I mean, I don't know if I like it or not, but it's on my playlist, so I guess that makes it good.

I was really hoping we'd get better at responding to letters quickly too, and I was meaning to post this like a week ago, the day after you posted yours. But, I, uh, got kind of busy and ran out of things to say.

I don't have too much new to add, except that my new job rocks in ways that most people can't appreciate. I did a men's group with a bunch of Alzheimer's patients today. We made model cars and submarines and stuff. It was actually really awesome, and I'm the toast of the retirement community now. I would love to give you details about that next time we talk.

I'll conclude by saying that I know it's been a tough day between us, and that is kind of a sad because it's never happened before. I want to apologize for my fault in that. I'll give you all the details of my thoughts in a less public medium.
However, the picture above expresses my views rather nicely.

E3-,
Chris

World Spins Madly On

Hey, you.

Before you ask, the title is the name of the song I was listening to when I opened this page. It's by the Weepies, who are a folksy sort of duo singers/guitarists. It turns out they're married too, though they weren't when they started the band. Funny how that works, huh?

Anyway, I'm sad to report the death of LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo, and I admit that it is utterly and completely my fault. A few bad days just really put me off the mood of novel-writing, and I'm still not quite inspired to do so. My bad, my bad, and I feel really terrible about it. I still think you should just keep writing without me. Although admittedly, you just wrote a poem like half an hour ago. You seem to have no trouble with being productive. Unlike certain people writing this letter...

Re: Rapidash. I concede that Ninetails is in fact highly badass (as my role in Pokémafia proved), and do not dispute that it is perhaps a more effective fire type to have around. But. Keep in mind that when the craze first erupted (in a rather Mt. St. Helens-esque fashion), we were around the tender age of nine. At nine years old, I was struggling between my tomboy tendencies and the pressure of liking Barbies and Polly Pocket and all that. Clearly the tomboy urge was somewhat dominant, as I was playing Pokémon at all. But out of all those potential favorites, it seems pretty reasonable for a nine-year-old impressionable girl with a liking for horses and a boyish appreciation of natural distasters to find a flaming unicorn the Best. Thing. Ever. And I did so. I also will cavalierly ignore your discussion of games such as Ruby and Saphire because I stopped playing after Silver. So, um, there. Rapidash is sentimentally very significant to me, and was one of those little childhood things that reminded me I could reconcile my various interests and predispositions. (Belle from Beauty and the Beast was another one, she was the first thing besides my mom to suggest that one could be both pretty and smart...)

You talked about your job starting in your last letter. I know for a fact that it has started, and you are rather enjoying it. I think I would be too, if it were my job. (Were my job, or was my job? It's subjunctive, and I've never been quite sure how that works). You also have procured a car. You've been more productive in the past few weeks than I have all summer. Kudos, seriously.

This brings us to music, with complete disregard for a transition. That's how I roll today. I'm really okay with the fact that you don't like Arcade Fire or Andrew Bird, even though I don't understand why. It's personal taste, and I can't make you have mine. It's cool when you do like something of mine, but I am quite willing to accept that everyone has their own preferences. And of course, we've seen that I'm not the hugest fan of some of your music, and I hope that's fine. As you said, it just means we can argue finer points of things without it just becoming one constant agreement. Because really, that's no fun at all. And part of the fun of finding new things to recommend is hoping that I've found one of the ones you'll actually like. More risk, but more gain, I suppose!

Anyway. I think I am done for now, so I will finish and allow you to read this on your iPod, because you are too snooze-ful to get out of bed. Which is kind of adorable. I once again apologize for my tardiness in responding, and hopefully we'll get better at this. I really, really hope we do that.

E3-,
Kelly

Rapidash, I Choose You!

Dear Kelly,

Hey, you.

So, my LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo novel is going well... I like all my characters, they all do what they're supposed to. Someone gets kidnapped at gunpoint by the third page, so I don't think I'm moving too slow (although this is all an intro). And... yeah, I'm way behind on words.

Aside from that, I'm gonna send you a standard letter.

First off, I'd like to discuss the value of Rapidash. Yes, the pokemon. this is SERIOUS BUSINESS. We spent a good deal of time talking about this already, and I'd like to state my case.

Now, in our earlier conversation, we mentioned how you can't get much more badass than a unicorn that is also on fire. This is mostly true. However, you have to evolve it from a Ponyta, or else find it in that crazy grass right outside of Fuschia City, and there's all sorts of nasty crap to deal with there (namely, an infestation of Fearows.) Ponyta doesn't evolve until lvl 40, which means you're stuck with slow stat gain until then. Usually, you've abandoned your unevolved pokemon by this point, and if you're smart you got a Charmander in the beginning anyways, so you don't NEED a Rapidash to begin with.

That is another point. In many other Pokemon games, such as Ruby/Sapphire, there are very few fire-type pokemon. For such reasons, fire-type starters are very valuable. However, in the original generation, the balance of pokemon was reasonable and there were plenty of fire types -- you could have Rapidash OR Ninetails, for example.

Ninetails is the reason Rapidash is not that awesome. It has 5 base stat points more, it can be evolved whenever you want it to, and besides, it's a FREAKING CURSED WOLF WITH NINE DAMNED TAILS. Screw flaming unicorns.


That being said, I move to my second point.
I saw lighting, coming from the street. Well, I did today, and it made me want to crank Telekinesis and play some Scrabble with you. It gets lonely here sometimes, with most of my friends constantly working at lamer jobs than I have.
On that topic, I start my new job on Friday. That is the day after tomorrow, for you all playing at home. It mildly freaks me out, because I'm afraid if I can't take enough initiative, I'm gonna get fired... and I --suck-- at taking initiative with no training.
Which I am getting no training. Guaaaah.
I don't know all the activities I'm supposed to do with the old people. I'm gonna need to get constant instruction from my supervisors, which makes me look like a needy child and a useless hire. That is no good.

I also cannot listen to music at work, which is very reasonable, but leads me to the other point I was intending to make:

More than half my music is yours. 2.58 out of 5 GB. Some of it is good -- Metric, The Thermals, Wolf Parade, So Many Dynamos; Some of it I don't like as much -- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Arcade Fire, and... I hate to say it... Andrew Bird. I'm sorry, I just don't like the music of your biggest celebrity crush. He's good, I recognize that, but it just isn't my cup of tea*.
However, it is nice that our tastes in music are just similar enough to have good discussion. If they were less similar, we'd just have our own music and have nothing to discuss; if they were the same, we couldn't disagree and debate like we do.

Finally, I'd like to thank you for tagging me in that facebook note. I think you're the first person besides my mom to tag me in one... which is kind of embarrassing... but yeah, I quite enjoyed pushing the chain mail onwards. I now have new knowledge of my own music, too! I even changed the instructions to make them more realistic. (Adding a "tag however many people you want" instead of "tag 12 people"... I hope that catches on.) You may observe this all on my facebook page, which I would hotlink to here but I don't want to be stalked by random people. You know, when we become famous.

E3-,
Chris

*My cup of tea is usually a Venti.


Side Note: During the writing of this letter, Zemanta gave me the Dumbest Link Ever.

LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo

Okay, I'm going to conserve my writing energies for the topic of this letter, so let's get on with it. I'm a three-time participant in the proper NaNoWriMo, so I figure I can lay down the rules. Here we go:

1. We're going to get to 30,000 words each on our respective stories by midnight on August 31st. The regular NaNo goal is 50,000, but we're both busy people. So 30k minimum, and gold stars and bragging rights/hugs for either of us if we make 50k.

2. All original work. We can look back at our notes and old versions of the stories, but the words we count must all have been written starting today. This is about starting anew.

3. Whoever has a higher wordcount gets a cupcake courtesy of the other person upon our next in-person meetup.

4. If asked by the other participant, we must honestly tell them our word count. Even if it's depressing. Which it will be at least once. That's the nature of this business.

Okay, that's really all I've got to say. This blog will probably start talking about our noveling adventures, and I'm really okay with that. We can talk about titles and get angry with our characters and such. At least your book already *has* a title. Mine had a temporary one once upon a time, but unless I work it into the story really cleverly, it makes no sense at all. Hmm. Perhaps that will be a challenge to myself: get that title to work. Oh, we can do that, if we seem to be doing well: make challenges to each other, like "include a cat somewhere in the next ten pages" or "somehow bring up salad dressing preferences in your dialogue".

I know we'll get back to our regular conversation soon, and I'm glad. I'm even more glad that you're back and hopefully feeling awesome. If you're not, I'll be working to fix that!

E3-,
Kelly

I'm back!

Hey, you. (we say it a lot, but it doesn't get old.)

As you already know and is evidenced by this letter, I am back from my getting-better stint at the local hospital. I am feeling rather okay now. Thank you lots for your support through that.

My dad brought me a printout of that image that you so lovingly drew, and I loved it (, loved it, no I don't care if...). It made me smile and actually do a little dance. Thank you, more than you could even guess at. E3- for that.

Otherwise, things have been going mostly well for me, although there are a couple new stresses. I'm going to get a TB test to verify I won't accidentally infect any old people before I start work at the nursing home. I'm really excited about this new job, I absolutely love old people. Even the ones with Alzheimer's have amazing stories to tell. I'll be sure to tell you all about it in future letters.

I now propose a new writing project! National Novel Writing Month is in November, but there are two reasons that might be a bad time.
1) It's during an extremely difficult school term for you.
2) It's really far away and I'm damned impatient.

Anyways, we've both had really good novel ideas in the past, so I propose Local Finishing Novels You've Abandoned In The Past Month. We can take our ideas and rewrite them to be complete, if not better (since we have to write really fast).

Most of our prior communication was cut off, so these two things are all I have to include in this letter. Please respond with your proposal for LoFiNoYoAbInPaMo, and perhaps we will get back to our regularly scheduled letter programming after that is sorted out. Woo!

E3-,
Chris

Get Well-er Soon

To the (hypothetical) readers: My esteemed collaborator is gone to take care of himself and will return in roughly 72 hours, if all goes well. The following is my get-well-soon wishes.

To CV:

Hey, you. (I feel like we may end up saying that quite a lot by the end of this project...)

I realize you may not get this for a while. All I wanted to say is that I hope you're doing alright (and if I know you--which I do--you're probably being all stoic about this) and that you don't have to worry about anything. Call me whenever you can/feel like it, and we'll talk about whatever you're in the mood for. I'm doing okay, personally, just kickin' it with friends and the like. I have felt the urge to call you several times today, though, only to release my phone in a sort of awkward manner. Le sigh.

Point is, take care of yourself and I will see you very soon, and hopefully you'll be feeling better than ever. And if you're happier, I'm happier. That's how this friend thing works.

I wish I had more to say, but it's been a long, excessively hot day, and I just exhausted what little (seriously little) creative energy I had experimenting with my tablet, as per your suggestion. So here I give you my attempt at a drawing to cheer you up. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

E3-,
Kelly

Hard Hat Area

Hey, you.

The first thing you'll notice about this letter is that I replaced our header with a picture. I can't scale it right for the life of me (or even round the edges, which I'd like), so I was hoping you could take your drawing tablet and fix it up a bit... remind me later to email you a copy of the picture. I'm contemplating just trying to replace the background of the E3- with transparency (which I should have done in the first place, provided blogger takes .pngs) but that would require starting over from scratch since I didn't save old drafts. Silly me.

I also changed the name of the blog to the Wheel of Fortune Before & After delight that is "Open Letter Surgery." I hope you like it. If not, the preferences of this blog are as open to you as they are to me.

I'd also like to get the blog spruced up a bit, maybe add a widget or two. Therefore, I propose that with your next letter you make one improvement to our layout. If you can find a decent way to play some Wolf Parade in the background, that would be IDEAL.

Anyways, on with the letter, starting with replies to your last message!
I do like that we cover all avenues of communication. Yes, we talk a lot. That is no reason to not write letters. That's how blogs work-- most blogs are only read by your friends who know everything you're saying there anyway.

Except for this one!
I'd like to welcome Mike, who is the only person I know besides us reading this blog. He fora-stalked his way over here from Echochamber, and although I'm not sure if he's still reading this, I'm gonna give him a shoutout anyway.

That being said, very few people know the story behind the URL of our blog except for us. I do like that little secret, obsolete though it may be.

217 isn't a location. It's a state of being.

Furthermore, you ARE Alarmingly Adorable. (in bed! hur hur hur.[sic]) We were discussing what we like about each other, and as much as I'm a raging manly-man whose pale charms are enough to start a small national holiday without a shirt, you are cute. Actually, you're cuter than that, because I don't think Obama would give me a holiday, since he's not into dudes. Point being, you could probably cripple a man (or even woman) whose nickname was Bull Elephant by using your cuteness attack. (wikilinked because I couldn't believe with my own eyes that there is a wiki page on cuteness.)
I am prepared to do a mathematical proof of your cuteness on request.

I also realize we've been too harsh on NPLs. They can be tolerated, although PHs (Pineapple Haters) should be burned at the stake. Or at the steak. Nothing compliments a pineapple like a nice teriyaki-marinated steak.

I am glad you approve of my definition of Qanothersznxtfd. We still need to figure out a way to pronounce that so we can use it in casual conversation, since, as you agree, it is a familiar concept. I still remember you telling me about that movie with the Mexican midget, even if you don't.

On that topic, I'd like to propose a new word that has arisen from us cheating at Scrabble: Joarr. I am unsure what the definition should be. The only one that comes to mind is "Colloquial shortening of what you shout when you're driving to a Journey concert in a VW van. Full version: JJOOOORRRRNEEEEYYYYYY."

Your Peach Upside-Down Cake is one of the top ten things I look forward to about hanging out with you when I move. My mouth waters with the utmost frevor when I think about it. The only improvisation I have used is when making a recipie for a coffee additive that mostly consists of microwaved marshmallows. I still swear by it.

Regarding Bumbershoot: Take me there. (ALL NIGHT LONG![sic]) I would do anything to go there. Just about anything, really.


Anyways, this letter has gotten quite long. I don't have that much more to add at this point, besides my declaration of a Scrabble throwdown. (this letter will be continued in my next one.) Besides, I have to wrap up this letter so I can call you again.

E3-,
Chris